Settling an anxious baby or toddler into care: a step-by-step guide

Some babies and toddlers walk into a new care environment and never look back. Others need weeks of careful, gradual settling before drop-off stops being a struggle. Both are entirely normal, and a good approach makes a real difference either way.

Why settling matters more for this age group

Infants and toddlers do not yet have the language to process a new environment the way an older child can, and separation anxiety is a genuine developmental stage, not a sign that something is wrong. This is also the age group where consistency of carer matters most: a small number of familiar, named educators tends to help far more than a large, rotating team, particularly in the first weeks.

A typical settling-in sequence

Most Perth providers structure settling-in visits to build up gradually rather than starting with a full day cold.

Stage	What it typically looks like
Visit 1	Short visit, parent stays in the room
Visit 2-3	Parent stays but steps back, shorter separations
Visit 4+	Full or near-full session without a parent present
Ongoing	Regular full days once your child is settling reasonably well

This sequence is a guide, not a fixed rule: some children move through it faster, others need extra sessions at a particular stage. A good provider will adjust the pace to your child rather than rushing through a checklist.

What helps at drop-off

A short, warm, confident goodbye tends to work better than a long, drawn-out one, even though it feels harder in the moment. A consistent goodbye routine, whether that is a particular phrase, a wave at the window, or a specific hug, gives your child something predictable to hold on to. Bringing a familiar comfort item from home, if the centre allows it, can also help bridge the gap between the two environments.

Questions to ask your provider

• How do you structure settling-in visits, and how flexible is the pace?
• Will my child have the same one or two educators consistently in the early weeks?
• How do you communicate with parents during the settling period, especially on a harder day?
• What signs do you look for that tell you a child is settling well versus still struggling?

What good communication looks like

Ask how a service updates you during the settling period. Daily photos, a short note at pick-up, or a quick message partway through a hard day all signal a provider that takes settling seriously rather than treating it as something you have to just push through blind. This kind of communication, more than any single technique, tends to be what parents describe as making the biggest difference in the early weeks.

If things are not improving

If your child is still struggling well beyond what feels reasonable, raise it directly rather than waiting it out. Sometimes a small adjustment, a different educator pairing, a shorter day for another week, or a change to the drop-off routine, makes a real difference.

Looking after yourself during this period

Settling a baby or toddler into care is genuinely hard on parents too, even when it goes smoothly. Guilt, worry, and second-guessing the decision are common in the first weeks, whatever the actual circumstances behind needing care. It helps to remind yourself that a difficult settling period is not a verdict on the choice you made, and that most children who struggle at first do settle with time and the right support. If you find yourself dreading drop-off every day well past the first few weeks, that is worth naming to your partner, a friend, or the educators themselves rather than carrying it alone.

What a strong settling period tends to have in common

Across the providers families describe most positively, a few patterns show up repeatedly: a small number of consistently named educators rather than a rotating team, detailed daily updates that go beyond a generic checklist, and staff who genuinely seem to know each child’s individual triggers and comforts within the first couple of weeks. These are worth listening for specifically when you are comparing providers, since they tend to matter more to how quickly a child settles than the physical facility itself.

Once your child is settled, it is worth having a plan for the odd day this regular care falls through too; our guide on building a backup child care plan covers how to set that up before you actually need it.

Browse the infant and toddler nursery care category to compare providers on how they describe their settling approach, and see our methodology for how we score consistency and communication signals across Perth Metropolitan providers.